On Suffering & Self-Care
This first part of this post originally appeared here on Instagram.Today is my due date. I could cry just typing that. I really wanted to have something profound to say about grief and redemptive suffering and how much I’ve healed and grown in nine months, but that feels false. Even though I know there is truth to be found there buried down deep, today is not that day. And everything else I could say feels too angry and too emotional and too dark and somehow not enough anyway. ⠀So I chose a day of indulgence. I did the things I thought I’d do if we were expecting any day now: I got a massage, and a blowout, and a latte. I read, listened to a podcast, laid in bed. It’s been ok. ⠀The best part? Standing in the sunshine with a handful of flowers, in all their warmth and beauty, reminding myself that God is always good.This journey has not been easy. I can remember publishing my very first post about our infertility, way back when I was blogging with a friend under a different title. I remember wondering if I should even hit publish, because what if we are pregnant and everyone thinks I'm overdramatizing our struggle? Or what if there's someone whose journey has been longer and more difficult than my own? Or what if this is too vulnerable, too personal, too much to put out into the the void of the internet? But here I am, almost 5 years later and I don't regret that post. I don't regret the way that it connected me to so many women with a story similar to mine. And I don't regret the ways in which it helped to heal the loneliest parts of my heart.I don't currently have any updates on our infertility situation, only to say that it's much of the same. We are still hopeful in prayer and trying all the things we can while staying sane.To all the women who are still on this path with me, I am praying for and with you. You are not alone.To all my friends and family and readers of this little blog, thank you for allowing me the space to work through our story, and for offering encouragement and love. You are a gift.xo,Katiep.s. how cutie is little Boo in the window of the last photo?
